new song.

so i FINALLY wrote a new song on my own. i haven't written actual lyrics since my song to Aidah, One To Love, almost 2 years ago.

unlike One To Love, this is a sad, typical emo, cry cry, 'i hate you' song.

just like One To Love, its full of lame, straight forward lyrics, with no hidden poetic meanings what so ever.

to those of you who know me well enough, you'll know who this song is really about. if you don't, well, figure it out. :P but if you've read my next post, you'd be stupid to think that this one is about Aidah. sheesh.

this song is called Portrait.


Well it started several years ago,
When I saw what you wrote on your phone,
It was so obvious to me,
You didn't bother, you just went free.
Don't pretend that you don't know,
Don't bother trying to convince me that you're,
So innocent.

All those times,
Those magic times,
How could I be so blind?
Well now, I realise.

All of those times,
They meant nothing,
To you.
Never imagined,
I'd see the day,
I lost my faith in you

You're standing there non-chalantly,
You think anger would make you less guilty,
Oh god, what did you think?
I was mad at you? I'm mad at me!
I hope that it was all worth it,
Take a look at that portrait,
Tell me what you see!
It's what you lost.

Why?
Just tell me,
Why must you pull me into this lie?
Please stop,
Let me escape you now!

All of those times,
They meant nothing,
To you.
Never imagined,
I'd see the day,
I lost my faith in you.

And now,
This charade will finally end.

It's over,
Don't try to cry,
This picture,
Can see your lies,
A snapshot of your beautiful life,
And just like us,
It will burn to die.

penat.

it keeps happening. over and over and over again. one way or another. its like if the problem is not about one thing, it will surely be the other.

funny thing is, somehow it almost always ends up being my fault.

it seems like eventhough its been 2 years or 3 years or 10 years or 50 years, it would still happen. this would still happen. the anger will still be there. the automatic conclusion of the worst case scenario.

it doesn't matter if we've been happy for a long time. or that we didnt fight for weeks.

even a fucked up thing like gossipy mean girls can cause this.

its tiring la. always knowing that no matter what i do, it can't change. it won't change.

no matter what happens, i'll always be the bad guy. the wrong one. rarely ever the wronged.

why? well we all know the answer to that.

ages

so its been ages since i updated. loads have been going on. too many to put into detail but simply put:

-bought guitar hero world tour for aidah's house ps3. and, well, i rock XD surprisingly aidah is good too. managed to start playing on hard withing 2 weeks. i bet she can beat husna now :P

-bought WAY too many jerseys since i arrived in UK. lets see... Man U home 2006/07, Man U training, Man U third 2008/9, England Away, England keeper, Arsenal Third. damn. to be fair the england ones were on sale. on the way: madrid, bristol city, bristol rovers. ahhaha. fuck.

-went to OLD TRAFFORD!! managed to watch Manchester United v Blackburn. it was awesome. nasib baik banyak goals. hahaha. went there with my housemate Nick. stayed with his sister. best gila the whole experience. can't believe i was lucky enough to go there in the first few months in UK :)

-started/finished 2 courseworks. fuck la. baru sampai dah ada pressure. haihz. besides that i still have to worry about BVC applications etc. shit.

-my camera's still busted!!! fuck la. i bought it for a reason!! hmm. i still have the warranty card but i have to post it la etc. leceh. haihz. i better do it soon before the christmas holidays.

-spent way too much this month (as obvious from above). i gotta learn to budget.

-been playing football every week now. thats good. best :)

thats about it now. i wish i could update more but i tend to stop myself from going online too much. coz if i start, i cant stop and thus wont study. hahaha. not so good at disciplining myself :P chiow~

p.s.- oh yea. gonna go madrid in 2 weeks XD lalaallalallala. hahahahha!

hmm.

going to Nottingham Games tomorrow. its a malaysian students sports event, orgaanised by students. haha. kinda excited, coz org kata mmg its a fun experience. in addition, i'm gonna play football for UWE, so thats cool :) never represented anyone or anything for any sports, so its kind of a milestone. hehe.

hmm no idea wat to write. just felt like blogging. lol.

favourite songs currently:

Paramore - Decode
blessthefall - We'll Go To Sleep When They Die (or something like that)
The Academy Is... - About A Girl
Jack White & Alicia Keys - Another Way To Die
Escape The Fate - The Flood

sigh.

its been awhile since my last post. and a few things has changed i guess.

my family came over for a week long holiday. it was FUN! loved having them around. especially aqil! damnit. rindu sial....................................................................................................

also, mummy cooked loads of good food. best best. haha. but yea i miss them. mum for her just being a mum, dad for his advice, adrin for herself, aqil for being the CUTEST GODDAMN BABY ON EARTH. haha. serious rindu.

haihz. but anyway now its back to reality. haha. it particularly sucks now coz winter is just starting. and its fucking cold. and windy. not a good time to walk around =/

in addition to that me and aidah seem to be fighting more and worse nowadays. cam now if we fight, anything goes. can say anything that hurts, from both sides.

i dont like it. at. all.

sometimes we fight about the simplest things. and sometimes its not even a fight. its just she'll be annoyed by me but wont say anything and vice versa. haihz. hate it.

but on the plus side, when the times are good, its really good. like we really love each other and cuddle or stuff like that. those times mmg ada. but ntah. when we fight it just spoils it all.

it also sucks that when we fight, no one tends to be wrong. =) weird.

got my guitar from malaysia dah. haha. my parents brought it. i'm thinking of starting one of those youtube acoustic singers on youtube. i mean sure most suck, and those who become popular tend to be, well, lame. but ntah. its a cheap way to record my songs.

its kinda frustrating coz i know my song ideas are good in terms of riffs and chords and just the song itself. but my singing and lyric writing SUCKS. so ntah la... i guess try first and see what happens.

oh yea, something cool is about to happen! haha. AIDAH WANTS TO START TO PLAY BASS! jeah~ i dunno why i'm excited. its just i've always had this thing for girl musicians. and having the girl that i love to play one is, well, awesome. haha. i'm gonna try to teach her the basics and get a bass. hopefully it wont be one of those things she does where she gets excited abt something but stops halfway. meh. ntah la. but either way, if she does end up playing it, and i start a band with her, and people likes my songs, my life would be great. haha.

oh another thing i miss. jamming. :)

bye~

i miss my family.

Gigs.

THE SUBWAYS WERE BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

ok, now that that's out of my system.. :P haha. best gila. went to watch them about 2 days ago at Carling Academy Bristol. they were awesome.

that night aidah and i were rushing gila babi coz the tickets said that it started at 7, and my class finished at 6.30. in the end i had to skip the 2nd half of my class to make it (dont worry i replaced it). so at about 6+ we got ready, went to the bus stop, took the first bus we saw, and 30 mins later, found our way to the place.

the place itself was best gak. it wasn't as big as like an auditorioum or a stadium, or as small as a bar or cafe like asiacafe. it was just nice. awal awal it was kinda empty, but once the subways came on, terus ntah camner jadi penuh gila. the sound system was AWESOME though. can hear everything clearly and juussttt nice. not too loud or too soft. best best.

the opening bands were ok la. there were two. first were The Volt. diorang mmg best. indie pop punk music. you should check them out. 2nd was another band, that was so boring i forgot their name. haha. End Of Me or something like that. they weren't bad la, i mean mmg terrer. but they were playing hard-rock, like seether or alterbridge kinda music. so tak kena with the crowd. the drummer got pissed off towards the end of their set coz of a lack of crowd reaction, that at the last song he flipped us off. haha. either that or he was reeeaaalllyy into his angry rockstar character.

anyway the wait in between the bands to set up etc was looonnngggg. about 30 mins each band. so The Subways only came on at about 9+.

they were awesome.

haha. serious best. and the crowd pun fun gak. NOT like the crowd at MCR live in kl. this crowd were jumping, moshing, singing along. best best. haha.

kalau nak slack sikit pun is the pushing shoving part kot. i mean i have no problems with just jumping or moshing, but i HATE crowds pushing left, right, front, back. i mean, people could trip and fall and get stepped on. haihz. that one kinda made me jaga jaga and pindah from centre of the stage to the side. but still close to the stage la.

i also took care of aidah and pulled her to *ehem* safety due to the crowd. hahaha. bukannya it was bahaya mana, but boyfriend worried about his girlfriend. of course la jaga gila gila!!! :P

my hand pun lenguh from recording and taking pics. haha. in the end, i didn't take much pics, and video pun was blurry and moving banyak, and ada parts i closed the mic. but heh, its all good. i'll post up the vids here and pics on facebook, in case people care enough to see. haha. tu pun guna camera aidah, so you'll see the same pics on aidah and i nyer accounts. haha.

when it was over, we tried to wait for the bus, but ntah why takde. so we took a cab instead. i dont mind using cab it we REALLY have to, coz its fucking expensive. but that time it was late and penat la.

also, i spent about 60 pounds on band merchandise. as if thats a surprise to those who know me. hahaha.

overall it was a good night la. sound was great. place was great. people were great. company was great. a good first gig in bristol. next up: slipknot, funeral for a friend, hoosiers, the volt etc (if dapat pergi. haha).

the next night plak, aidah and i went to another gig on campus, though its not so much a gig as it was a show. it was Hell's Bell's, UK's ''best AC/DC tribute band''.

yeah, i know.

haha anyway we went with aidah's housemates: melvin, nadira and khairul. reason we went pun is coz her housemates yang ajak. i mean i listen to the occasional classic rock. metallica, kiss, guitar hero rocks the 80's :P haha. and sure mmg la kenal the classic hits. but overall tak la layan sangat.

but anyway we went. paid 5pounds. it was alright la. better than wat i expected. the guitarist was superb. flawless. haha. and the band overall pun best la. good showmanship etc. makes me wonder why did they settle to being a tribute band and not a full on original new band. i mean they have the talent. its puzzling.

i mean if i ever started an MCR tribute band (stop laughing :P), i would make it as a side project and not a main band kinda thing. haha. ntah la.

anyway the show was ok la. after that they all came to my place, cooked something up, makan, balik. and i studied after that (at 3am. bagus bagus).

so thats it. 2 shows in 2 nights. and more to come hopefully. haha.