no rest for the wicked

Top 10: Rock/Pop Music To Be Used In Epic Movies

2010-03-13T06:59:00.001-08:00

My first list: 'The Top 10 Rock/Pop Music that could be used in Epic Movie Scenes'.

Long title huh? haha. What I mean by this is, what songs would best replace those grand, instrumental background music when something inspirational happens in the movie. And this could be either by way of the song title, the song lyrics, or usually just the artist themselves. haha.

Anyway, I'll try to update this list with pics or videos later on. I don't know how and aidah is cooking so she can't teach me yet. :P

Enjoy!

10. Movie: 300. Song: Underoath - Desperate Times, Desperate Measures.

- I think the song title makes it an obvious choice, but in addidtion to that, can you just imagine how awesome the final battle scene would be if this song was used. Especially the opening riff. haha.

9. Movie: V For Vendetta. Song: Muse - Uprising

- Choice lyrics: "They will not force us, They will stop degrading us, They will not control us, We will be victorious". Now imagine that chorus, being sung at the same time when those people in the masks were marching down towards the end of the movie. Tak naik bulu roma ke?

8. Movie: Hannibal/Silence Of The Lambs. Song: Chiodos - Is It Progression If A Cannibal Uses A Fork?

- Again, I chose this song more for the title rather than the song itself. But even the first few words from the song seem to fit into the movie. Choice lyrics: "Listen up sweetie. We all know that you're a beautiful girl in a horrible world". You can just imagine Dr. Hannibal Lecter saying that to Jodie Foster right before he dives into a nice plate of human brains :D

7. Movie: 40 Days 40 Nights. Song: Halifax - Better Than Sex

- Again, just the song title. Its such an obvious match with the movie. I mean, throughout the whole movie Josh Hartnett is trying to find something that is better than sex, but ultimately (as like most guys) he fails and realises that almost NOTHING beats sex :P hahah.

6. Movie: The 'Saw' Series. Song: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay

- This is obviously chosen for its humour. haha. Imagine how annoyed the victims would be if they were hearing this while they were being tortured. It would be an obvious mockery of their own situation. haha. Choice lyrics: "I'm not okay, I'm not okay, I'm not okay, You wear me out".

5. Movie: Resident Evil 1/2/3. Song: Matchbook Romance - Monsters

- Another obvious choice due to its title. It would also be funny if the hordes of zombies in the movies just walk around in massive zombie groups, then stop, and suddenly break into and song and dance, singing this. Choice lyrics: "We are, We are the shaken, We are the monsters, Underneath your bed, Yeah, Believe what you read".

4. Movie: Matrix Reloaded. Song: Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody

- Remember the fighting scene where Neo was fighting the countless hordes of Agent Smith's? Now, imagine if this song was playing in the background. Kind of the obvious thoughts of Mr. Anderson, don't you think? Choice lyrics: "I've been roaming around, Always looking down, And all I see, You know that I could use somebody".

3. Movie: Back To The Future Series. Song: Aqua - Turn Back Time

- Again, kind of an obvious choice. haha. Damn my first list and already i'm getting lazy :P. Choice lyrics: "If only I could turn back time, I would stay for the night".

2. Movie: Armageddon. Song: Lostprophets - Its Not The End Of The World (But I Can See It From Here)

- Imagine the final moments of the movie. Instead of the whole emotional and sad scene about Bruce Willis, how much funnier would it be if the attention shifted to the NASA station on Earth with this song playing instead? Choice lyrics: "Its not the end of the world now baby, So come on dry those tears, Its not the end of the world now darling, But I can see it from here".

1. Movie: I Am Legend. Song: Saosin - You're Not Alone

- I think this is the most perfect match on the list. The movie shows us just how lonely Will Smith is in the movie because he though he was the only human left on earth. But if only he knew of the other survivors earlier on. The lines to the chorus just really fits into the movie. I mean, imagine if Will Smith waas listening to this during the movie. I'm sure he'd have more of the spirit to keep on living :P haha. Choice lyrics:"You're not alone, There is more to this I know, You can make it out, You will live to tell".

Anyway, there goes my first list. Hope you like it, and obviously I could be wrong or you could have other ideas. Just leave it on the comments alright? :D

lists

2010-03-13T06:51:00.000-08:00

Since a few months ago, I discovered I have a new obsession: Lists. I love reading lists. I mean, all those random lists. Lists of information that doesn't really benefit your brain and knowledge. haha.

Its just so fun to read. And although its mostly pointless information, its still fun to those all these random trivia. and some lists are even surprisingly educational. My favourite source for lists: Cracked.com, Oddee.com, and listverse.com, and Goal.com's weekly top 10 list.

Anyway, I figured rather than always blogging about random daily life, I'll start writing about my very own lists. Lists that I myself create. :P haha.

Brave New World

2010-02-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this will be my.... 569874987452699745th (?) attempt at re-writing my blog. Will it succeed?

Highly unlikely :D haha.

I used to loveeee blogging. Way back when before it was all cool and expected to have a blog. That time, it was all LiveJournal baybeh :P

And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed putting my rants and mushy stories or emo breakdowns or sometimes just random craps. Most of them were 30 paragraphs worth of emo-ing, and others was just a random 3 sentence entry about... well, random stuff. It was useless, irrelevant, and oh-so-much-fun.

But I think, back then, the main reason i loved it was because people I cared about actually read it. It was a good way of letting them know about my life. And, more importantly, I felt it gave me total freedom for saying ANYTHING I wanted to say. I didn't have to care about other people's feelings. Or they're judgments. Heck, half my posts back then were about girlfriends/ex-gf's, and not many of them were nice :)

But time has changed. I can't be that person anymore. I mean, I want to. But imagine this: How would it be if I, a married guy, started to blog about 'The Various Talent of Jenna Jameson'. To most of you out there, that would be just plain wrong :P haha.

That was before Facebook. Before Twitter. haha. I guess now, if you want an update, just check on those websites. Much, much, MUCH more updated than a blog that hasn't had a new post since.... June 2009?

Now, that's just sad =/ haha.

Anyway, I'm going to TRY to be back. What am I going to write about? Well, I've been really getting into lists nowadays, so maybe something along those lines. If not, I'm sure you'd love to know what I did during the day right :P hahaha.

As if. :)

Seeya~

berlin

2009-06-10T09:25:00.001-07:00

BERLIN WAS GREAT! fun fun fun. very historical and big and awesome. haha.

i wanna go into detail, but to be honest i'm way way way too tired. maybe later i'll do it. :) regardless, berlin best!

currently in Bonn at marissa's. next up: amsterdam and prague. jeah.

2009-05-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

okay random post.

jerseys to buy:

Manchester United 08/09 White Away Champions League Final
Russia National Away 09/10 Long Sleeve
Ajax Amsterdam Home
Hertha Berlin Home
Sparta Prague Home
Bonner SC Home
England Home 09/10
Manchester United Home 09/10
AC Milan Home Beckham/Maldini
Real Madrid?

2009-05-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

its so scary.

we've been thrown this hard ball right into our faces. at currently the hardest most important times of our lives.

and its not a normal problem. this hard ball will likely decide our future. how we will be as individuals.

how do we overcome this problem??

i want to be stronger than this. i want us to rise from this shithole with our heads held high and able to say 'we did the right thing'. i want to know for a fact that we took all the right moves.

probably its not so bad. i mean there's still a chance, slim as it is.

yet why do i get random poundings in my heart? why do i sometimes feel the weight of it all? why can't i concentrate?

now now i know other people in the world go through much worse. i can't even compare myself to them. but still, it still affects me.

i know God is testing us. or punishing us is more likely kot. i just wish that while he's doing that, He would give us the strength to be stronger. He'd give us the hikmah and keterangan hati to see clearly and fix this. He'd give aidah the energy and determination to overcome this. she needs to. she deserves it.

it sucks. i mean, if it doesn't work out, it could destroy us. and i'm not exaggerating. i hope we can recover but i don't know. i think thats the scary thing: if this doesn't work out, our lives would be changed. the future we envisaged would be, well not 100% gone, but still different from what we planned.

the worst part is i know she's probably going through worse.

i wish i could trade lives with her. she DOES NOT deserve to go through this.

she deserves to be happy. to be able to succeed in life. to fulfill her own dreams.

she does NOT deserve to worry about shit like this 5 days before exams. does NOT deserve to feel low and incapable. does NOT deserve to have her confidence shaken like this.

i wish i was stronger. i wish i knew what to say. i wish i myself is not affected by this, not because i'm selfish, but because if i wasn't affected, perhaps i'd be able to convince her and make her happy.

thats all i want.

for her to be happy.

damn you S-hole.

scared

2009-05-04T19:15:00.000-07:00

its funny. i'm not the most hardworking guy around. i don't 'love' to study. i don't voluntary go to the library. i know exams are in two weeks and yet i still find excuses not to study.

yet all this does not bother me, because i know its my own mistakes.

what does bother and scare me though, is when aidah doesn't study.

when i study and she doesn't, i feel guilty because i know she should. when she's watching nip/tuck, i can't concentrate because i worry.

i worry. thats just it. another sign that i've changed. i actually worry about aidah. whether she can do her exams. if she gets through.

most of the time i worry more about her than i worry about myself.

i wasn't like this before. it was always 'i study, you tak study padan muka la'. now, not anymore.

its annoying. like that thing where i smile at her when actually i want to scream at her. sama gang. annoying.

haihz....

okay!

2009-04-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

okay so its been a long while since i posted. sorta makes this blog seem useless. haha.

too many stuff have happened for me to bother to update. i mean, i went to about 4 concerts, went to manchester again, performed, had coursework, yada yada yada, and now i find myself about 3 weeks from my first paper.

nervous? well... surprisingly not so much. that's not to say i'm confident either. its just i find that i have adapted well to the teaching system here. i mean, i'm not lost in the subject, you know what i mean? so now, when i revise, although i don't know the details, at the very least i'll know what that topic is talking about. haha.

anyway, can't wait for exams to be over. too many stuff to look forward to. eurotrip, malaysia, jamming. oh and that lil thing called my wedding :)

me, getting married. who would have thought it to be possible. me, the nerdy bullied geek in high school, ultra-vain casanova wannabe in college, manipulative asshole in relationships, selfish spoilt brat in life, is gonna settle down to watch friends, grow old, cook, and write unlimited love songs about his wife, Aidah. all at the age of 22.

no more flirting. no more sudden rush of catching a girl's eye. no more sly grin when talking about a hot girl. no more sleepless nights after a fight where you re-consider your relationship. no more chance of fulfilling that fantasy with angelina jolie.

sounds so sad, doesn't it? at such a young age, throwing all that away.

well, some people might say that.

to me, right now, at this very moment, that boring view of married life is all i want. :)

Fall Out Boy

2009-03-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

this is like two weeks due, so a couple of facts might be missing. haha.

went to cardiff two weeks ago. purpose was to watch Fall Out Boy, but my darling fiance missed me too much that she decided she wanted to follow :P hahaha! (in reality terbalik, i begged her to follow). but she didnt want to waste money for the gig, so she just decided to teman me walk around cardiff. till the gig.

woke up early, aidah prepared some bekal. got on the train, yada yada yada, sampai, makan jap. :)

once dah habis makan, we jalan jalan'd around cardiff city. to be honest, not much of a big deal. i mean i guess the cool thing is that its a whole different language, and there was hardrock cafe, and cardiff uni, but other than that, it was pretty much like any other town.

anywhoo, we just walked around, masuk some shops, BOUGHT A SEMI ACOUSTIC GUITAR :P hehe. reason was coz it was on sale i got a bunch of stuff free with it :).

once dah petang sikit, we decided to visit our friend who was studying in cardiff uni, went to his house, lepaked for a while. i sembahyang'd, then once it was close to 6, we decided to leave. i had a concert to catch :D haha.

we walked to cardiff international arena, only to find a LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG line of emo-kids-posers (with their parents). hahaha. seriously, all budak kecik. but hey i'm gonna watch fall out boy so who cares right. lol. aidah decided to line up with me (while carrying my guitar. she looked like a busker. lol). things got worst when it started to rain! after about 30 mins finally the line began to move.

once i reached the front, i said goodbye to aidah, and went in. aidah had to catch her train, i think it was about 7+ pm. once inside, i noted that no wonder a lot of ppl were allowed in. the place was HUGE. i mean it was an actual arena. lol. i guess i jakun coz so far all the gigs i've been in UK has been in small or normal sized nightclubs.

anyway, i walked around the arena, looking at the merchandise, and tried to figure out a way to buy the merch before the gig without having to carry it the whole time. usually i wont really care, but my sis specifically pesan'd some stuff, and i didnt want to let her down :)

suddenly, a stroke of genius hit me. haha.

i bought about three FOB tshirts, then qued up at the jacket counter :P paid 1 pound, and got to keep my jacket + the three shirts, without having to worry about it till after the gig. haha. genius eh?

once dah settled that, i went back in the arena, just in time to catch the first opening act, Hey Monday. they were ok ok la... still seemed like a paramore-copy cat. i guess its the current trend kot.. only diff is that they sounded much more simpler compared to Paramore. thats good i guess. at least all these female lead vocalist bands have diff sounds. heck, Versa Emerge sounds (to me) kinda like a radio-Saosin. haha.

next up was Kids In Glass Houses. again, normal nice la. nothing much special. thats not to say its bad. just its all, typical i guess. nothing to differentiate it from other emo bands. haha. but regardless, still fun.

finally, Fall Out Boy. the fact that these are the kings of radio friendly emo is certainly true. they played well and excellent, and basically nothing wrong. very enjoyable show.

except for the, what i'd like to call, 'MCR Malaysia' Syndrome.

they played perfectly, talented, no screw ups watsoever. PERFECT. just like any other gig. it was obvious that they've toured the world and are experienced, and it just seems like to them 'oh well this is just another show. nothing special'. tu je la. it was veryy.... detached. i mean, at Chiodos' concert, it was personal. i mean the fans were passionate, knew all the songs, moshed, and the band was really cool and played old songs and even some acoustics.

i guess its also coz i didnt really LOVE Fall Out Boy, and didnt know all the songs. but still, i guess thats the downside.

in addition to that, the crowd was also a problem. we had kids who seemed like they've never been to a concert before. haha. i mean sure depan tu ada la mosh and all, but normal innocent like moshes. normal jumping up and down. around me pun sama. there was no wall of death or anything. haha. i guess thats to be expected. i mean, it is fall out boy. but again, it reminded me of the MCR crowd back in Malaysia. again, the 'MCR Malaysia' Syndrome. lol.

thats pretty much it. song wise they played their usual hits with some new songs, and a cover of Estelle - American Boy. but tu je la. enjoyable, but normal. lol.

after the gig, got my stuff, and preceded to wait for the bus for 4 HOURS!!! the gig finished at 10+ and my bus back to Bristol was at 1 am =/ smart huh? lol. luckily there was a burger king so till about 11pm i was there :). reached home, went to bed.

so thats it. another concert experience in UK. so far, all great. haha. i'm so lucky i'm here and able to go to all these gigs. :) next up, TBS, UNDEROATH, ENTER SHIKARI, THE ACADEMY IS. WOO HOOO!!!!

friends.

2009-02-28T16:15:00.000-08:00

i suddenly miss my friends in malaysia.

sure they had their flaws. could be selfish/childish/judgmental etc.

but ntah. with them i was comfy with who i am. i could be who i want to be. i could talk about anything with any of them for hours.

i would be judged by them, but i won't have to worry about them caring what they judged me about (does this make sense?).

over here ntah. i've met tons of good friends. but its just not the same.

with my friends in malaysia, if there was a problem, big or small, i knew we could settle it and still come out as friends. here in bristol, i'm not so sure.

with my friends in malaysia, i knew they had my back, no matter how shitty the situation is. and this has been proven. if i make a mistake, they'll take the crap out of me, but still give me advice to fix it. and better yet, i could do the same to them. i could talk to them or scold them or tease them, knowing they wouldn't take my words the wrong way.

here, not so sure.

i know i'm crapping and going around my words, but ntah. it makes sense to me.

i miss my friends.

you know who you are.

CHIODOS

2009-02-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

CHIODOS WAS GREAT. AWESOME. THE BEST. INDESCRIBABLE. UNMATCHED. THE ULTIMATE.

:D

seriously, worth it gila. i dont regret at all the fact that i worried about buying my ticket early and not getting it till 3 days before. nor the fact that i worried about getting to london. or the fact that i risked getting on the bus while the road was icy. or the fact that i went to the concert with just jeans, shoes, tshirt, and a thin sweater, thus freezing my ass off.

it was fucking worth it.

if i did have one complaint, it was the venue. it was sooooo SMALL! probably about 1/4 the size of MCPA hall, with a sold out crowd of about 100-150 people. it was stuffy and wayyyy tooo packed. not even enough room to enjoy the gig properly.

first opening act was Sonny. it was a bit weird. i mean here i am at a metal band concert, and yet a high pitched vocal DJ was playing multiple dance and rave mixes. i mean, dont get me wrong, it was nice and cool and highly enjoyable, and it did get the crowd moving, but ntah. a tad bit out of place kot

second opening act was Fei Comodo. they were AWESOME. nice emo + metal mix, leaning more towards the emo side. my kinda music. and they were fucking energetic. got the crowd moshing and started the first (and surprisingly only) wall of death of the night. and they're down to earth and humble too. i managed to hang out with them for awhile after the gig, and they were just like normal guys, selling their merch and just hanging out. reminded me of how HIX used to handle their own merch at gigs :)

finally, Chiodos. one of my favourite bands, almost sama taraf with My Chemical Romance (and that's saying something). what can i say. amazing. fucking brilliant. they started out with Undertaker's Thirst For Revenge Is Unquenchable, and the whole place just fucking erupted. people jumping here and there. moshing at the back. getting smashed like sardines. awesome. musically they were flawless, even Craig. i mean in the youtube vids that i saw of them live, i didnt like the way Craig changed the vocal parts of songs because he just can't handle them, but this time i dunno. it worked i guess.

they played a full on set that was justn non stop energy. all mosh heavy songs, and several old ones and bsides. they only slowed it down a bit for Lexington and Letter To Janelle. i think the biggest mosh was for The Words Best Friends Become Redefined kot. haha. i have no idea why i'm naming the songs. excited i guess.

the final part of the gig was cool. for the last two songs, Craig played 2 solo acoustic songs, with no mic or plug ins. so we all had to quiet down while he sang. it was brilliant. real intimate. of course, that did not last, because for their encore, they played Teeth The Size Of Piano Keys, and once again, the whole place erupted.

it was personally the best and heaviest gig i've been in a looongggg time. i mean yeah i moshed at Escape The Fate, but nothing compared to tonight. before that, i didnt mosh much because of my ankle. but tonight, i gotta say, it was non stop mosh, jumping, shoving and all. i even crowd surfed for the first time, TWICE. haha. managed to touch Craig a bit too. :D

on a random note, getting my foot stepped on the whole night must have caused my toe nail to crack, thus letting the blood that was clogged up in there (turning it an ugly blue) to be let out. well thats just my theory anyway. because now my toe nail is extremly white. haha.

after the gig, i went out, bought the merch (duh) and waited around in the hopes that, like Escape The Fate, i'd manage to meet with the band. i even excitedly qued up behind this line, only to find it was for the cloak room. stupid. haha. anyway after that, went outside the venue, hung around, walked into the bar beside it in hopes that the band secretly exited there, no luck. so got some kebab, took a traing and headed on home to Husna's.

on another random note, thanks Husna for having me at your place! sorry if mengacau. and thank luqman for me for letting me sleep in his room yea?

overall, one of the best gigs i've been too so far. next up, Fall Out Boy and Taking Back Sunday.

jeah~

jerseys

2009-02-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

i'm glad to have found a new hobby whilst in uk. jersey collecting.

but sometimes, it is wayyy too fucking expensive and frustrating =/

for example the Bristol Rovers Third Kit. i had no idea it was a special edition anniversary edition. once i found out, it was out of stock for size M! wtf.

also, i wanna get Beckham's AC Milan jersey. but i cant find a longsleeved one!

damnit..

Escape The Fate

2009-01-25T13:58:00.000-08:00

ESCAPE THE FATE WAS AWESOME!!!! XD

its been awhile since i've been to an all out rock concert. i mean the subways was fun and all, and its was awesome as well, but i didnt really get a chance to mosh, jump around, get hurt etc. this time i did.

the place was ok la. Anson Rooms Bristol University. normal gig like place. attendance was probably 4/5 of the hall. but it was all smokey for some reason.

mmg best. the first 2 opening bands, All Forgotten and Glamour For The Kill were alright, but i dunno why i wasnt really in the rock concert mood yet. i mean there were people moshing, running, doing the wall of death and all, but ntah i myself just didnt feel like it yet.

so i just stood and watched the band, and kept changing my positions in the hopes of finding the right 'crowd' to enjoy the concert with. at that time i was looking to just normal jump around and all, but not mosh. alas, i didnt find any. some were too rough, some too boring.

but fine, i just enjoyed the opening bands. in between went out for air + drinks.

then Escape The Fate came on.

it was awesome. awal awal they came onstage with the song 'America, Fuck Yeah' playing in the background. mmg rockstar gila la. then they started to play.

best. best best.

i dunno why, i just started jumping around, moshing. just like how i did in malaysia. and it was good! best gila. argh!

the best part was the crowd. everyone was into it (except the parent chaperones at the back and those who just didnt want to) and each helped out each other if there was a fall or slip or something. ntah la. either i miss going to rock concerts, or memang it was best.

on a random note, a couple of girls took off their shirts and moshed and jumped in their bra and pants. needless to say, that was awesome as well ;)

after the show, i got the chance to take pics and the autographs of the drummer, Robert Ortiz and the vocalist, Craig Mabbit. Robert was probably drunk and acted very rockstar-ish, but Craig was incredibly friendly and layaned us all that surrounded him. he even talked on the phone to the gf of a fan. that was cool. haha.

during the show the band invited us all to hang out with them at Carling Academy, but i was too tired la, coz main bola before that. so i headed home.

overall, awesome concert. cant wait for Chiodos and Fall Out Boy, though i dont expect to mosh at Fall Out Boy. haha.

:D

2009-01-07T17:05:00.001-08:00

i.

am.

engaged.

to.

the.

only.

one.

i.

want.

:)

i love you zarith aidah binti ahmad shukri!

One To Love

2008-12-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

since i'm in a lyric writing mood, i think i'll just post up lyric's to Aidah's song, with the original lyrics from a few years ago (with a few minor modifications).

i feel kinda weird putting her ex-boyfriend's name in it and only one of her best friends, but it fits, and i cant find anywhere to put in others like husna or lily. sorry!

this one is called One To Love

In Januray 2005,
I saw you in KDU,
I knew nothing about you,
But I wanted to.

Your friend Kaydee,
She came to me,
She said, 'Hi, don't you recognise me?'
'I'm here with a friend,'
'Her name is Zarith Aidah',
From then on I knew,
You were the one I want.

From then my feelings for you grew,
All my friends and yours,
They knew.
I couldn't nothing about it,
You were with Alep.

But then one day in September,
You told me,
That you and him was over,
A couple of weeks later,
I confessed to you,
From then on I knew,
You were the one to love.

And now dear,
3 years later,
We're still surprised,
We're together,
I told you once,
I'd only write a song,
For one, that I love most,
Its you.
Baby you know its true.
How could I not love you?

Aidah,
Why do you do,
All the things you do,
To make me love you?
I never thought we'd love again,
I never ever want this to end.

Aidah,
When you do,
The things you do,
To make me fall in love with you,
I'm mesmerized, I'm hypnotized,
I'm still surprised,
I wrote this song for you.

Coz my dear,
No matter what happens now,
You're still the one to love.
You're still the one to love.
You're still the one to love.

new song.

2008-12-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

so i FINALLY wrote a new song on my own. i haven't written actual lyrics since my song to Aidah, One To Love, almost 2 years ago.

unlike One To Love, this is a sad, typical emo, cry cry, 'i hate you' song.

just like One To Love, its full of lame, straight forward lyrics, with no hidden poetic meanings what so ever.

to those of you who know me well enough, you'll know who this song is really about. if you don't, well, figure it out. :P but if you've read my next post, you'd be stupid to think that this one is about Aidah. sheesh.

this song is called Portrait.

Well it started several years ago,
When I saw what you wrote on your phone,
It was so obvious to me,
You didn't bother, you just went free.
Don't pretend that you don't know,
Don't bother trying to convince me that you're,
So innocent.

All those times,
Those magic times,
How could I be so blind?
Well now, I realise.

All of those times,
They meant nothing,
To you.
Never imagined,
I'd see the day,
I lost my faith in you

You're standing there non-chalantly,
You think anger would make you less guilty,
Oh god, what did you think?
I was mad at you? I'm mad at me!
I hope that it was all worth it,
Take a look at that portrait,
Tell me what you see!
It's what you lost.

Why?
Just tell me,
Why must you pull me into this lie?
Please stop,
Let me escape you now!

All of those times,
They meant nothing,
To you.
Never imagined,
I'd see the day,
I lost my faith in you.

And now,
This charade will finally end.

It's over,
Don't try to cry,
This picture,
Can see your lies,
A snapshot of your beautiful life,
And just like us,
It will burn to die.

penat.

2008-12-23T14:15:00.000-08:00

it keeps happening. over and over and over again. one way or another. its like if the problem is not about one thing, it will surely be the other.

funny thing is, somehow it almost always ends up being my fault.

it seems like eventhough its been 2 years or 3 years or 10 years or 50 years, it would still happen. this would still happen. the anger will still be there. the automatic conclusion of the worst case scenario.

it doesn't matter if we've been happy for a long time. or that we didnt fight for weeks.

even a fucked up thing like gossipy mean girls can cause this.

its tiring la. always knowing that no matter what i do, it can't change. it won't change.

no matter what happens, i'll always be the bad guy. the wrong one. rarely ever the wronged.

why? well we all know the answer to that.

ages

2008-12-13T18:48:00.000-08:00

so its been ages since i updated. loads have been going on. too many to put into detail but simply put:

-bought guitar hero world tour for aidah's house ps3. and, well, i rock XD surprisingly aidah is good too. managed to start playing on hard withing 2 weeks. i bet she can beat husna now :P

-bought WAY too many jerseys since i arrived in UK. lets see... Man U home 2006/07, Man U training, Man U third 2008/9, England Away, England keeper, Arsenal Third. damn. to be fair the england ones were on sale. on the way: madrid, bristol city, bristol rovers. ahhaha. fuck.

-went to OLD TRAFFORD!! managed to watch Manchester United v Blackburn. it was awesome. nasib baik banyak goals. hahaha. went there with my housemate Nick. stayed with his sister. best gila the whole experience. can't believe i was lucky enough to go there in the first few months in UK :)

-started/finished 2 courseworks. fuck la. baru sampai dah ada pressure. haihz. besides that i still have to worry about BVC applications etc. shit.

-my camera's still busted!!! fuck la. i bought it for a reason!! hmm. i still have the warranty card but i have to post it la etc. leceh. haihz. i better do it soon before the christmas holidays.

-spent way too much this month (as obvious from above). i gotta learn to budget.

-been playing football every week now. thats good. best :)

thats about it now. i wish i could update more but i tend to stop myself from going online too much. coz if i start, i cant stop and thus wont study. hahaha. not so good at disciplining myself :P chiow~

p.s.- oh yea. gonna go madrid in 2 weeks XD lalaallalallala. hahahahha!

hmm.

2008-11-07T07:05:00.000-08:00

going to Nottingham Games tomorrow. its a malaysian students sports event, orgaanised by students. haha. kinda excited, coz org kata mmg its a fun experience. in addition, i'm gonna play football for UWE, so thats cool :) never represented anyone or anything for any sports, so its kind of a milestone. hehe.

hmm no idea wat to write. just felt like blogging. lol.

favourite songs currently:

Paramore - Decode
blessthefall - We'll Go To Sleep When They Die (or something like that)
The Academy Is... - About A Girl
Jack White & Alicia Keys - Another Way To Die
Escape The Fate - The Flood

sigh.

2008-10-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

its been awhile since my last post. and a few things has changed i guess.

my family came over for a week long holiday. it was FUN! loved having them around. especially aqil! damnit. rindu sial....................................................................................................

also, mummy cooked loads of good food. best best. haha. but yea i miss them. mum for her just being a mum, dad for his advice, adrin for herself, aqil for being the CUTEST GODDAMN BABY ON EARTH. haha. serious rindu.

haihz. but anyway now its back to reality. haha. it particularly sucks now coz winter is just starting. and its fucking cold. and windy. not a good time to walk around =/

in addition to that me and aidah seem to be fighting more and worse nowadays. cam now if we fight, anything goes. can say anything that hurts, from both sides.

i dont like it. at. all.

sometimes we fight about the simplest things. and sometimes its not even a fight. its just she'll be annoyed by me but wont say anything and vice versa. haihz. hate it.

but on the plus side, when the times are good, its really good. like we really love each other and cuddle or stuff like that. those times mmg ada. but ntah. when we fight it just spoils it all.

it also sucks that when we fight, no one tends to be wrong. =) weird.

got my guitar from malaysia dah. haha. my parents brought it. i'm thinking of starting one of those youtube acoustic singers on youtube. i mean sure most suck, and those who become popular tend to be, well, lame. but ntah. its a cheap way to record my songs.

its kinda frustrating coz i know my song ideas are good in terms of riffs and chords and just the song itself. but my singing and lyric writing SUCKS. so ntah la... i guess try first and see what happens.

oh yea, something cool is about to happen! haha. AIDAH WANTS TO START TO PLAY BASS! jeah~ i dunno why i'm excited. its just i've always had this thing for girl musicians. and having the girl that i love to play one is, well, awesome. haha. i'm gonna try to teach her the basics and get a bass. hopefully it wont be one of those things she does where she gets excited abt something but stops halfway. meh. ntah la. but either way, if she does end up playing it, and i start a band with her, and people likes my songs, my life would be great. haha.

oh another thing i miss. jamming. :)

bye~

2008-10-23T19:30:00.001-07:00

i miss my family.

Gigs.

2008-10-16T04:16:00.000-07:00

THE SUBWAYS WERE BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

ok, now that that's out of my system.. :P haha. best gila. went to watch them about 2 days ago at Carling Academy Bristol. they were awesome.

that night aidah and i were rushing gila babi coz the tickets said that it started at 7, and my class finished at 6.30. in the end i had to skip the 2nd half of my class to make it (dont worry i replaced it). so at about 6+ we got ready, went to the bus stop, took the first bus we saw, and 30 mins later, found our way to the place.

the place itself was best gak. it wasn't as big as like an auditorioum or a stadium, or as small as a bar or cafe like asiacafe. it was just nice. awal awal it was kinda empty, but once the subways came on, terus ntah camner jadi penuh gila. the sound system was AWESOME though. can hear everything clearly and juussttt nice. not too loud or too soft. best best.

the opening bands were ok la. there were two. first were The Volt. diorang mmg best. indie pop punk music. you should check them out. 2nd was another band, that was so boring i forgot their name. haha. End Of Me or something like that. they weren't bad la, i mean mmg terrer. but they were playing hard-rock, like seether or alterbridge kinda music. so tak kena with the crowd. the drummer got pissed off towards the end of their set coz of a lack of crowd reaction, that at the last song he flipped us off. haha. either that or he was reeeaaalllyy into his angry rockstar character.

anyway the wait in between the bands to set up etc was looonnngggg. about 30 mins each band. so The Subways only came on at about 9+.

they were awesome.

haha. serious best. and the crowd pun fun gak. NOT like the crowd at MCR live in kl. this crowd were jumping, moshing, singing along. best best. haha.

kalau nak slack sikit pun is the pushing shoving part kot. i mean i have no problems with just jumping or moshing, but i HATE crowds pushing left, right, front, back. i mean, people could trip and fall and get stepped on. haihz. that one kinda made me jaga jaga and pindah from centre of the stage to the side. but still close to the stage la.

i also took care of aidah and pulled her to *ehem* safety due to the crowd. hahaha. bukannya it was bahaya mana, but boyfriend worried about his girlfriend. of course la jaga gila gila!!! :P

my hand pun lenguh from recording and taking pics. haha. in the end, i didn't take much pics, and video pun was blurry and moving banyak, and ada parts i closed the mic. but heh, its all good. i'll post up the vids here and pics on facebook, in case people care enough to see. haha. tu pun guna camera aidah, so you'll see the same pics on aidah and i nyer accounts. haha.

when it was over, we tried to wait for the bus, but ntah why takde. so we took a cab instead. i dont mind using cab it we REALLY have to, coz its fucking expensive. but that time it was late and penat la.

also, i spent about 60 pounds on band merchandise. as if thats a surprise to those who know me. hahaha.

overall it was a good night la. sound was great. place was great. people were great. company was great. a good first gig in bristol. next up: slipknot, funeral for a friend, hoosiers, the volt etc (if dapat pergi. haha).

the next night plak, aidah and i went to another gig on campus, though its not so much a gig as it was a show. it was Hell's Bell's, UK's ''best AC/DC tribute band''.

yeah, i know.

haha anyway we went with aidah's housemates: melvin, nadira and khairul. reason we went pun is coz her housemates yang ajak. i mean i listen to the occasional classic rock. metallica, kiss, guitar hero rocks the 80's :P haha. and sure mmg la kenal the classic hits. but overall tak la layan sangat.

but anyway we went. paid 5pounds. it was alright la. better than wat i expected. the guitarist was superb. flawless. haha. and the band overall pun best la. good showmanship etc. makes me wonder why did they settle to being a tribute band and not a full on original new band. i mean they have the talent. its puzzling.

i mean if i ever started an MCR tribute band (stop laughing :P), i would make it as a side project and not a main band kinda thing. haha. ntah la.

anyway the show was ok la. after that they all came to my place, cooked something up, makan, balik. and i studied after that (at 3am. bagus bagus).

so thats it. 2 shows in 2 nights. and more to come hopefully. haha.

Ken Lee.

2008-09-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

MUST WATCH! haha. my media and entertainment law lecturer showed this during class break. funny as hell. must watch. haha. ''labidubibodoushoooo''!

bristol

2008-09-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

my first post in awhile. haha. i've arrived in bristol. been here for about a week+. been busy settling in and exploring the area. by the time balik bilik malam, dah too tired to post a new blog post. haha. sorry guys!

anyway, bristol is awesome. best gak. the city is fun and active (kinda) but its far enough that i know i wont go there often. so can control la. haha. its a nice city. ada loads of history to the city. foodwise, well ok gak la. there's an area around here that has an asian community, and ada halal butcher and grocery shops so senang la nak dapat. in addition, the tesco here pun ada halal meat and chicken. but other supermarket like sainsbury's, takde. so that kinda sucks, especially since sainsbury's is the nearest to our campus. but for other stuff, like normal groceries or drinks, can get anywhere. plus, the supermarket brands (like tesco juice's or tesco salts or sainsbury's dishliquid) are all really cheap and reliable, meaning quality takde la teruk mana. its not like giant nyer brand. hhaha. so yea thats great.

i stay on campus, and i guess there's a good/bad element to it. its a party campus wei. honestly. on campus itself (which is about 5 mins from my flat) ada its own bar and nightclub, so almost EVERYNIGHT ada a different party with different themes and special bands/djs (mostly djs). mmg sama class with bukit bintang or something. hahha. in addition, because the bar/club on campus closes around 11, the students move the party to the student village. my student village. haha. so mmg its alive and party central till about 4+ kot. music kuat gila, especially if the party is near my flat. even just last week, my flatmates had its own party in my flat. so it was kinda noisy. they all pasang lagu kuat and were drinking etc. one guy even puked on my common area carpet. hahaha. but on the plus side, because i joined in (not drinking, mind u) i got to meet new people and well, got comfortable with my housemates. and at least the campus isn't so quiet and lonely. so thats the plus side. i just hope once term starts it wont be as bad. itu je la. but its because of this whole party thing that most days, i'd just rather buka puasa at aidah's and just lepak/sleepover at her place je. more homey and comfy. haha.

hmm apa lagi. had some problems with my phone line thing. i mean, i made some mistakes that ended up with me buying a new phone, something i didnt really have to do. it doesnt help that the phone line offers here are fucking confusing. but, i eventually got to return it and got my money back. and once i get my debit car, insyallah, i'll end up with a new phone AND a PS3. awesome. haha.

my debit card pun one other hal. HSBC ntah how go and sent my cards all the way to malaysia. haha. i dont want to confuse things further so i'm just gonna wait for my parents to bring it in october.

another problem i'm having is regarding my subjects. its funny. i'm registered as a student. i even got my student card. BUT i'm not registered for any classes. weird. haha. hopefully i'll settle it all by next week.

well thats about it. pictures are all up on my facebook. can't wait for my parents to come over in october! haha. maybe thats why i tak homesick sgt. i mean i miss malaysia, but not gila gila. i think its coz my parents are coming. haha. next post, i'll explain more about my housemates and life in uni la. and again, i'll TRY to update my blog often. haha. chiow!

UK BABY!

2008-09-14T09:15:00.001-07:00

so yea, i'm in UK =P haha. didn't have time to update anything before this or post a blog saying i confirm going, but hey, i'm here!! haha. still in london. staying at husna's place along with her housemates. they're alright. nice people.

the day i left, friday, was a pretty eventful day. sure, sedih and all coz i'm leaving. but surprisingly, i didn't cry. kinda dissapointed that i didn't cry. i mean, i'll miss them all! my mum, dad, adrin, aqil, farhan. my friends. haihz. ntah la. maybe coz aidah is here with me softened the blow kot. ntah.

anyway, i was at the airport at about 7.30 am. flight was at 10. all my family and close friends were there, along with aidah's. it was great. i got to see most of my closest people in my life :) some couldn't make it (azwan, cousins) but i understand. coz it was a friday morning on a working day. haha.

so after saying our goodbyes etc, me, aidah and her mom made our way to our plane. and, surprise surprise, i got upgraded to business class!!! XD haha. we got upgraded coz aidah's uncle was piloting the plane. so yea, we got to our seats, got comfy, plane started moving.. and moving.. and made one round.. then went back to the terminal. haha. they found some probs with the plane. so we had to wait awhile, then we had to get up and change to another plane =/ haihz. but no problem la. so we went out, got to another gate, and waited to board. finally, around 2pm baru we left XD

of course, the flight was SUPER. comfy gila. i mean, the business class chairs can be lowered alllll the way down into a bed. haha. i also got to go in the plane cockpit. it was, well, cool XD haha. hopefully (but unlikely) i'll post up pics later.

13 hours later, landed in london. we got fasttracked through immigration, so luckily we didnt have to que through the normal line. i went pass immigration without a problem, but aidah was delayed because of some health problem thingie, and she had to go to another counter.

that time i was so scared. i mean, wat if aidah got arrested or not allowed entry etc? takut gila. but anyway, i went down to get our luggages (berat gila. i'm surprised i managed to carry all), then waited. after awhile aidah's mum asked me go out and wait with the mas crew (because we were gonna stay with them) but, as luck would have it, i couldnt find them. haha. so i waited la with like 5 bags kat tepit jalan in the cold. ada panic skit la.. haha. but 10 mins later, aidah found me, went to the bus, and all was good :)

haha. so after all that, we got to Copthorne Tara hotel, where we were gonna be staying along with the mas crew (again coz aidah's uncle was the pilot). we got one room with 2 beds, so i got a bed to myself. guilty gila that time. =/ but there was no other choice. haihz. was kinda ankward. haha. but we got through it XD

after that, we all went for dinner at malaysian hall, took a walk, went back to the hotel, and SLEPT. haha. penat gila.

woke up next day kinda early. we (me, aidah, aidah's mum) met up with husna at the tube station nearby, then went a whole day around london with her. haha. again, penat gila. but it was fun la. did some shopping and tried to get used to the cold. in the evening we went back to our hotel, took our bags, and made our way to husna's house plak.

arrived at her place, put our bags, then went to buka puasa. but we were running late, so we missed our reservations at this restaurant. in the end we buka'd puasa at 8.30pm. lapar gila. haha. met up with husna's housemates during the dinner. they were all friendly la. haha.

went back, lepak jap, tido :P

today again, we went out (me, aidah, aidah's mum [since these 3 is always there, i'll just call us the Izdahra la. senang. haha], husna and her housemate nama zurin). went to all the torist spots (london bridge, tower bridge, buckingham palace, covent garden).

but my day was spoiled because of a fight with aidah which kinda resulted in a bigger thing than it was =/ surprising that even in UK with people with us we can still get into fights. haihz. anyway, i was pissed off with her allll the way back. geram gila. baring baring alone in the room i shared with another of husna's housemates (lukman), trying to calm down, then aidah came. tried to talk and fix things with her but ntah. dunno if it worked. she went to sleep, and i am now typing this out :)

so thats my first 2 days in UK. haha. tomorrow morning izdahra will be leaving for bristol. i'll update from there. haha. sorry for the lack of details and pictures. but like i said, PENAT XD i miss everyone!!! damnit la.. where are my tears? haha.

habis~ and the ranting begins :P

2008-08-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

well my exams are OVER!!! hahahahahah!

gila la. dah lama dah tak feel this way. takyah feel guilty about having a LITTLE bit of fun. haha.

feels good :P

of course, the fear of my results will always hang over my head till 28th august (results day).

if i pass, UK here i come! if i fail, well... i'll see you guys for another year la :P haha.

anyway, i know this is kinda random, and irrelevant seeing as to how the only people who would care about this never reads this blog anyway, but right now i wish i was a rocker in phillipines. i'm NOT saying malaysian bands are bad or less talented. i'm just saying in phillipines, its more my type of music. emo with an equal balance of hardcore and pop/easy-on-the-ears. in malaysia, the only bands i can think of like that is Oh Chenta Ku, Avalon's Whisper, and, well, HIX. the other majority underground bands out there that are popular or more respected are almost 90% hardcore bands, or 90% pop bands. so ntah. i like em, can listen to them and all, but if i was in phillipines, i think i would have more fun. i mean bands like Chicosci, Urbandub and Typecast is definitely my cup of tea.

just now syam said i'm not a gig-goer. well, i may not be now la. my reason is cos there's rarely gigs that any bands that i really like would be playing, and i've been super busy. so yes, i've rarely gone to gigs.

but syam, luq, azwan, they all forgot that before, i was more into gigs than any of them. they say i dont support the local underground etc. bullshit. before (except syam la, he's been into gigs lama dah), luq would only go to gigs that has love me butch, and RARELY would layan hardcore bands. in fact, if before i would tell him to listen to some bands, he's say 'kau ni emo sgt la, hardcore sgt la'. NOW, all the bands that he listens to, he'll tell me and talk to me as if i dont know, or as if he's the guy that found them. sheesh. and azwan, well, when i was going to gigs dulu, he was probably at home. coz i dont think he was into gigs sgt before he was in HIX. then again, i wasnt close to him dulu so ntah la.

but anyway my point is, dulu i went to ANY gigs on weekends, sometimes not even with them. i would be the one would buy stuff (cd's shirts and all) and i NEVER called any of them a non-local-supporter. haihz.

the only reason for this post is nothing particular. just i'm kinda tired of luq thinking ''nik mana layan hardcore/nik layan emo/pop je!'' or azwan saying ''ala kau nik?? mana penah nak pegi stay gig? mana support?''. fine, now i dont go to gigs or anything, i dont listen to hardcore 24/7. so? haihz. seriously, wassup with all the judging man?

so ntah la. guys if u read this, dont judge and think i'm just some kid who only goes to gigs i play at. or tak penah support. or some loser that tak tau certain bands. sereal wei. haha.

i know its probably not a big deal, but its just soooo fucking annoying that just because NOW underground gigs are the current trend, and NOW the bands i kinda kurang minat are playing a lot, and NOW i'd consider spending my weekends at home, that i'm automatically some pop-loving dont know underground bands shit hole poser.

i mean, i like pop. so what? i like emo. so what? i like hardcore. so what? i like jazz. so what? (and those who know me well enough would know that i'm not just saying ''i like'' because of one or two songs. i buy the albums. i support the bands. i LISTEN).

haihz. i'm too harsh kot. luq azwan etc never said this directly, or i doubt they even think it sgt pun. its just annoying when its implied, or get teased at me. menyampah. so guys, think la before you judge. i never did any of it to u when u thought a band was ''too heavy, too lame, too hardcore, too poser''. just because hardcore is the current trend, doesnt mean i have to love it. i mean, i like it, but if i dont want to go to a hardcore gig, who are u to say i'm less of an underground supporter? so think first.

hahhhhh the end of my first rant. haha. been wanting to rant for so long. tension :P next post: alamanda parking!

(btw in the unlikely event any of my friends (luq azwan syam etc) is reading this and kecik hati, come talk to me about it. confront me, nicely la :P dont simpan je like we all always do and kutuk behind each others backs. haha. i love my friends (no sarcasm)). XD

happy(?) birthday.

2008-08-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

whee hoooo! 21 years and 1 day. and celebration?

nada.

haha. fuck la. exams is in one week. pressure is on. fuck fuck.

meh. anyway this is just a happy birthday post to me. hehe.

but is it really happy? well.. i still haven't decided :)

chiow.

ligament.

2008-07-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

for those of you who didnt know, i tore a ligament. haha.

my ankle ligament. the way it happened was ssooo fucked up la. i was playing futsal (not that i'm any good at it, just do it for the sweating). everything was going fine, you know, the normal. scored a few own goals, let lots of goals in, gave the ball away etc. haha. then during the LAST MINUTE of the game, LITERALLY, i was running and bumped into someone, and landed ankwardly. i fell, screamed, then *poosh* the lights went out. haha. fucked up tak. it was the last kick of the game! damnit.

anyway immediately after the fall it hurt like mad. my friends had to support me out and take out my shoes and all, and my leg began to membengkak. but after awhile it got better. i mean, it hurt, but it was handlelable. no big deal la. i thought normal sprain. so i drove to hartamas to pick aidah up because SOMEONE malas nak drive (i'm just highlighting that to annoy that person :P) haha. it was ok la. hurt but was able to drive. arrived in hartamas, hung out for about 30 mins, all was fine.

but when we were going back, i realised it hurt more. it got worst. so aidah had to drive back to nilai. otw back, it got worst and worst and by the time sampai nilai (this was about 3am) i couldnt take it so i asked aidah to bring me to the clinic.

the doctor (a freaking bitch bad mood gila) told me 'oh i dont have xray eyes so i dont know what it is la'. fuck. haha. but she wrapped my legs in a bandage and gave me some painkillers and asked me to take some xrays the next morning. so fine it still hurt. we went to get some food to makan ubat, i went up to my room, ate etc, then tried to sleep.

it got worst. couldnt sleep at all. was moaning coz it hurt gila babi. it came to a point that no matter where or how i put my leg, it hurt BADLY. finally ard 7 i couldnt take it, i called aidah to take me to the hospital.

by the time i got in the car, mmg the pain was too much. i cried, screamed, etc. seksa. it was bad. aidah drove about 150 kmh to damansara hospital (coz we had no idea where the hospital was in seremban). the whole way i was crying and screaming. teruk teruk.

reached the hospital, went to the emergency, farhan was there, went to see the on call doctor, then the specialist. he put a cast around my leg and well, it felt better la. but i had to use crutches from then on. fuck.

haha that was about 3 weeks ago. since then i've changed my cast and crutches into the more practical versions, and my ankle swelling has gone. the pain nowadays has mostly got to do with 'lenguh' pain rather than actual 'pain' pain. haha. but it still sucks that i have to use crutches and i cant drive. especially hate the fact i cant drive. i hate having to rely on people and having people like my friends reminding me how much i menyusahkan (though not directly la). i hate it. benci gila menyusahkan org.

i guess yang i paling menyusahkan is aidah kot. haha. she's had to pick me up and drive anywhere to class and all. I LOVE YOU!!!! haha.

also, the proof of how committed i am to music and HIX, sakit macam mana pun, i still performed twice =P haha.

the doc said minimum recovery time is 3 weeks but i'm supposed to NOT use my leg at all. since i didnt do that (i still had to go class and perform), i hope it still fully recovers la. coz if not the docc said i'll have problems later in the future with my ankle. haihz.

and all because of the last minute of futsal. fuck.

haha.

2008-06-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

its funny that my fun, ok, happy, good mood posts, will all be short.

but my emo angry ones would be llooooonnnnnnggggggggggg. haha.

2008-06-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

this shall be a post for which i dont expect comments or sakit hati or basically, which i just dont give a fucking shit to. it might be wrong, unfair, selfish or whatever bullshit it may be, and i know it is. i know i might be wrong now. but guess wat?

fuck it. haha.

fuck whoever who actually thinks what they think or apa apa.

fuck it if i dont make sense.

i dont give a FUCK.

if i want to be emo and be sad, fuck you coz i'll be emo and sad and it affects anyone else, too bad.

i've had it with idiots thinking one thing when they dont know anything.

fuck it if this is a spur of the moment thing.

but like i said, do i give a fuck?

man i wish i could growl right now. haha. tgh jam growl lepas geram cambest~

i dont expect any consolation or comment for this post. haha. i doubt it makes much sense anyway.

just think of this as a pointless nameless rant.

i wish someone can be in my shoes for once and see what its like. feel how it is to always be at fault because of a year and 3 months worth of mistakes. know how it is to never ever be able to hate someone without having it thrown back in your face. know how its like to say FUCK YOU without ''ala izrin normal la''. argh! why the fuck do people expect me NOT to ever have feelings or to ALWAYS feel the guilt or to NEVER be able to blame someone else? why why?

fuck fuck fuck. fuck you the selfish spoilt judgmental idiots of the world.

like me. hehe.

man i wish i never lose aidah la. if my life is going well and i can blow up like this, imagine how i'd be like if she left me. haha.

kesian keyboard.

surprisingly for once memang this time i'm emo-ing for no particular purpose. i mean there's a reason for it la of course, but no purpose in the sense that i'm not hoping for change or anything or things to get better or worse. haha. ok fine lets leave a tinsy clue about what this is about.

i hate it that whenever something special is going on or is close, then surely ada someone that would spoil it. new years, anniversaries etc. now flying to uk. fuck la. fuck fuck fuck. FUCK.

haihz... i wish i had bigger balls to be my old self la. at least then names or sakitkan hati orang wont be a problem.

then again, that would mean i'll be bastard la. i dont want that. i kinda like being nice.

whee!

2008-06-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

Current Song - Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze

adrin, farhan and AQIL is BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woo hooo~ hhahahha. seriously happy gila. at least now the house won't be so silent and quiet. plus i'll have other people besides myself who would go to sleep later than 12. haha. and they're back for good. so yay!!

plus, to those of you who didn't know, Aqil Arfan is the cutest smartest most adorable handsomest charming gila babi chomeyl baby EVER. well, until my own baby of course. duh~ haha.

woo hooo!!

yes, i am happy :)

fcuk.

2008-05-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

Current Song: Pink Panther theme.

i'm going to turn back into the whiny emo kid i was a few years back. haha.

i HATE the fact that now my confidence is gone. confidence for anything la. to do stuff, or to say i'm right, or even to confront people. its gone.

and i know its cause of 3 reasons: the shit i did with aidah, my bald-spot period, and HIX.

because of these two occurances, my confidence was shot to hell. before, i could easily say what i want without feeling guilty or without thinking or even CARING if its wrong or right. i just do anything. if i wanted to be moody, i'll be moody. if i wanted to snap at people, i will. if i wanted to just go to a stranger and give him or her a hug to show how much the world is great, i would.

now, i cant do any of that. i mean those two events made me concious. if i do something, i would doubt myself. I NEVER DOUBTED MYSELF BEFORE. and fine, that might have affected other people or annoy other people but still, it made me happy. even just a little bit. now, its hard for myself to make myself happy. its like since those two events, i can't just complain or rant like a normal person. haha.

before, if i had a problem i could easily talk to my friends about it, like Luq or Syam, and KNOW for a fact they won't judge me or give me shit about it sgt. they would make it light and make everything seem do-a-ble. now, i would always doubt and think that they judge me if i have a problem. like if i complain they would think, 'haihz this idiot complain je tau'. honestly. its not their fault, i mean they probably dont think that way. its just what i fear nowadays. thats why jarang i turn all emo and rant or complain. and i HATE it. i loved dulu when i could just say a simple fuck you to anyone. kinda like how nana still is. yes it might hurt, might be rude. but its not like i say it unnecessarily. whenever i do it, its only because it affects me.

but yeah, now i doubt. i think everyone judges me. even Aidah. its like she doesn't really love ME, but more like she loves the IDEA of me. like she loves the potential of who i could one day become. and what if i don't? what if instead of being some stand-up, slick hair, multibillion, alim sembahyang, clever, beautiful kids, lawyer, i instead become a washed-up, drunken, buncit, yellow teeth, lung cancer potential patient, white hair, thin as a stick, perasan musician? would she still love me?

again, its not her fault. its just me that thinks that way. i never once used to doubt it. even when we broke up because i fucked up, i was confident she would take me back because i KNEW her love for me was strong. now, i doubt.

its just FUCKED i tell you.

also because of my bald spot period, i was embarassed. i had zero confidence to even go out without a cap. it sucked. malu gila. thats why i kept wearing caps. it affected the shit out of me. i tried to not let it affect la kan, but after a while its impossible. so.... love your hair :P haha.

and its not just my friends or aidah, its like anybody, even strangers. before i was confident when i go out, the way i dress, the way i talk. now, i doubt it. i feel everyone hates it. even with HIX. i feel they're freezing me out coz i'm going to uk. for example Luq invited Azwan, in front of ME, to record lagu and all and didn't even bother mentioning it to me. not to mention they never take any of my ideas, which i'm okay with now kot. but thats not the point. the point is when HIX does that, it makes me feel more like they're punishing me or doing it on purpose. its irrational and it sucks, and i feel its fucked, but thats how i think now.

and yes before anyone else says it, i do deserve this after what i did. but that doesnt me i cant rant once in awhile can i? =)

i think its people who were directly involved in the whole drama kot that i feel this way about. for example people like Man, Nana, Amirul or even Acap and Azwan, i'm still ok. tak la concious or whatever. i can still tell them how i feel about anything or anyone. i can even say fuck you to them and know they won't hate me for it.

but people like Luq, Syam, Husna, even Adrin and Aidah, its hard to say or talk about me or my life or about my love life or health or family or even music or tv or clothes or dirt or food or ANYTHING, without feeling they would judge me. without thinking that they would say 'can't this guy do better'? without feeling malu and ashamed and concious.

and it sucks coz there's no real reason why i feel that. its not through any fault of their own. its mostly me and what i feel.

it just sucks :)

ps: is it 'concious' or 'conscience'?

pps: to anyone reading this, please don't be kecik hati or anything like that. i've said this many times kat atas ni, its what I myself think and feel, not what YOU did.

bored bored

2008-05-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

i hhhhhaaaattteee being sick. especially flu. coz of my sinus and shit it gets worst then normal. dark green pleghm that just gets stuck in your throat. eugh. it sucks.

sucks.

sucks.

tomorrow gonna perform for that yamaha competition. should be fine. banyak budak. haha. i'm worried bout my band mates la coz their kids so cam tak penah perform etc and ada stagefright. haha. teringat zaman i first started playing. but yea in some ways this is my FIRST time for playing bass la. ada solo lagi. hope tak screw it up. lol.

cherating!

2008-05-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

so we just got back from cherating yesterday. it was AWESOME!! haha. seriously beach lawa gila. and there was not too many people so it was good. best best. tiring like fuck though.

we went in two cars. me luq azwan aidah her parents and her aunt. drove for like 5-6 hours. reach our 'chalet'. haha. it was more like a dorm like room. but honestly no complaints. it had a bed so i was happy enough. haha.

spent most of our time at the beach coz honestly, there was not much else to do. there were the usual tourist shops and a few bars but nothing special. i mean, the bar basically sucked la :P

BUT we did meet this cool guy, Awie. he runs a bar/water sport place by the beach. best best. during the day we had drinks there while swimming in the sea, and at night me and the guys went by his bar and just hung out with him. he's been around the world so it was nice to hear stories from him. plus he's a professional fire guy. i mean he does those fire things with sticks and all that u see in festivals. dont know wat else to call it. haha.

aidah's family was fun. they were cool. haha. but still guilty skit coz not my family. =) takpe la. next time.

overall a fun trip. i want to go there again with either my family or just my friends. eventhough uncle shukri paid for most of it, it would still be kinda cheap (RM50 per person for accomadation, another 100 for meals? allowance 100, around RM250 we can have a good holiday) haha.

so, watdya say guys? mari mari. haha.

damn u husna =P

2008-05-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

damn anda husna! kena tulis in bm. haha.

7 fakta tentang saya
1) cintakan aidah (duh).
2) mempunyai fokus yang teruk tapi memory yang bagus.
3) mempunyai hidung yang seperti sungai kerana hingusss je.
4) main guitar dan muzik tapi tidak hebat.
5) rindu zaman rakan rakan semua baik dan bagus dengan saya.
6) makan banayk dan banyak kali tapi tak gemuk gemuk (lagi).
7) senang mem-judge orang dalam hati tapi jarang beritahu orang lain.

7 perkara menakutkan saya
1) uu...u.....uuuuu...uu... LAR!
2) aidah :P
3) kiamat.
5) kematian orang orang disayangi.
6) kegelapan.
7) KEMANDULAN

7 lagu buat masa sekarang
terlampau banyak.. ini yang saya ingat sekarang.

1) Kecoh Di Disko - Sembilan Di Tengahari.
2) Melalui Lima April - Tellehassee Adalah Tempat Pelacur
3) Satu Republik - Berhenti Dan Tengok Lama Lama.
4) Anak Lelaki Krim - Pengakhiran Klasik
5) Michael Cera Dan Ellen Mukasurat - Sesiapa Lain Yang Bukan Mu.
6) Asmara Kimiaku - Cermin Ini Tidak Cukup Besar Untuk Kami Berdua
7) Ambil Balik Ahad - Pastikan Betul Betul.

7 perkara yang selalu saya sebut
1) i love you.
2) shit.
3) fuck ah.
4) (sesuatu) adalah amat panas sekarang! (is so hot right now!)
5) hello?
6) yes.
7) tak tau! awak tentukan. (you decide).

7 perkara yang amat bernilai
1) lamboo!
2) Aidah.
3) keluarga.
4) rakan rakan.
5) internet.
6) HIX
7) porn. (kepada lelaki, anda tau ini benar!)

7 "pertama kali" dalam hidup saya
1) rasa cam tahi.
2) rindu org.
3) masak
4) tinggal di luar.
5) rasa seperti diriku bukan diri yang sebenar.
6) cuba fikir seperti orang baik.
7) mempersoalkan diri sendiri.

7 orang bertuah (KENE JAWAB TAG NI BALIK!)
1) Aidah, jika anda ada blog =P
2) Adrin.
3) Acap.
4) Nana
5) Lily
6) Luq
7) Syam

2008-05-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

Current Song: Matchbook Romance - Stories and Alibis

i used to love this band. their album was actually very good. too bad they broke up. fark.

anyway preparing for a cherating trip this weekend. aidah's parents are paying for it. luq and azwan mengacau. haha. no la. their filling up the spaces. i feel bad for not being able to invite the other guys but aidah's parents yang plan it so i dont want to push it. i pick those two pun coz they seem to get along the best with them. haha.

looking forward to it. i mean cambest je. haha. but ntah. kinda worried it'll be sucky coz of luq's weird attitude. he's annoyance with me is getting more and more annoying. haha. but so far i've been keeping to one of my new years resolution: make peace with people. coz i'm flying off soon so i dont want to leave gaduh2 etc. haha.

other then that everything is fine kot. aidah and i went through a rough patch but we're kinda ok now. i dont know. the longer it gets, the harder, but it also gets more valuable and irreplacable. haha. ntah la. i reallllllllllyyyy get what husna writes in her blog coz its pretty much the same thing i'm going through =/

which reminds me! since this is my new blog and all, any of my friends reading this, can u guys gimme your blog links too? wanna add it to ----> here. haha.

chiowsin.

fail fail.

2008-05-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Current Song : Before Today - Roots Beneath Ideal (i miss that kat lj dulu ada ni).

haihz. i thought new blog = more updates. turns out sama malas je nak post new stuff. haha. fail fail. the other day i went through my old lj posts and i missed it. i mean almost everyday i updated, and people actually cared to read it XD haha. even the dumbest simplest post pun it would seem fun. even nana commented that i had a way of making my lame outing sound best gila. haha. miss that.

i miss jamming. HIX took a minor break for april so kira tak jam la. Luq has Creamson so tak rasa sgt. haha. damnit. if not dulu i could've joined SJC and jammed with them. haihz. anyway i guess i do have a 'band'. i was asked to play bass for Yamaha Bukit Jelutong. apparently there's some nationwide competition between yamaha schools. winner will represent the state, country etc etc. its ok i guess. playing some jazz song and ada solo lagi. so not too bad la. i guess the only downside is that i'm the oldest member. haha. the others are just kids. lol.

my holidays are over but i still dont feel that drive to study. its weird. i got back my results and still i can play around. my results were, well, BAD la. not fail, but bad. by right i should be in nilai studying like mad, but instead i'm getting ready to go out with Aidah. haha. fuck la.

boring note : i'm kinda worried about my application to UK coz apparently one of the subjects i want to do there (Company Law) is not offered for third years. fuck.

okay, this was a boring post. i gotta practise to make my life seem fun again. haha.

wrong.

2008-04-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to figure out in what order do i miss what most:

family or

Aidah, or

my golden days with Awesome (after SPM, before INTI), or

my old bastard life.

it all made me happy at some point of my life or another.

lets go!

2008-04-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

orait so first useful post. hmm.

i'm finally figuring out why luq is addicted to online shopping. best gila. spent 2 hours browsing forum lowyatt. too bad i'm too broke to buy anything.

i wonder if my blog will attract strangers. apparently, the more strangers that are interested in your blog, the better writer you are XP. haha. i'd love if people i know read my blog. its an easier way to update about myself. especially in INTI. lagging cam babi so msn or facebook seksa je. ni at least just click and type je, and people can know whats going on.

besides that, it would be easier to update about UK later. haha.

can't wait to fly. i mean sure i'm gonna miss my family, friends, food, guitars, etc. i'm not gonna act all macho and say i wont miss that. i'll probably cry like a baby at the airport. haha. but its equally balanced by the excitement of UK baby! freedom, independence, EUROTRIP! lol. besides that finally i'll be learning my favourite subjects in Law. can't wait. also gonna be with aidah, so WOOHOO!!!!!!!

right now i'm torn on what to buy. new guitar pedals, new guitar, or nothing and keep the money for UK? decisions decisions...

hmm.. also i'm torn about how private or open i should be with this blog. haha. coz some stuff i WISH i could say would be oh-so-hurtful. damnit. but i need to rant. haihz. decisions decisions.

apa kata i put an early disclaimer? haha. NONE OF MY POSTS IS MEANT TO PERSONALLY HURT ANYONE, unless clearly stated. haha.

ahh, i miss blogging.

2008-04-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

a new blog! woohoo~ i miss ranting and writing about crap here. haha.

new mission: learn to post pics plak. my old blog takde pics langsung. chet.